Is Love All It's Cracked Up To Be?
by LastRedAppleStanding
Summary: She put her trust in somebody and that somebody decieved her. An awful thing happens to Rosalie and now she has to live with it; but not without help. A Psychologist thinks he can help but will her world come crashing down on her again?
1. Pretty Woman: MagazineArticle1

**Hello everybody. Yes it is true... I have come back from holiday yesterday and decided to write my own magazine column. Of course I will mention Twilight at some point as it does own my life so fully and I hope you enjoy my weekly updates on here. X**

**Magazine Column.**

**Is love all it's cracked up to be?**

**Brought to you by nobody other than Erin Lovell!**

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Love.

How can a describe love?

I'm pretty sure no-body could really explain love unless they are sure they have fully experienced it.

What am I babbling on about? I'll just cut the crap and begin my story.

They word 'love' never used to matter, never used to mean anything and I'm sure you never really understood it enough to care when you were growing up. So why does it mean so much to us now?

How come I only need to hear those three sacred words, even if it's in a book, film or if I overheard someone saying it to their loved ones outside I break down in tears without so much as a warning?

I find that when you turn thirteen the word 'love' holds a whole different meaning. But why?

Simple. It's because we're growing up.

Yes none of you have actually experienced real love because we are to young to know what it is.

What _we_ experience is the thrill of love. Not quite true love like Romeo and Juliet and Edward and Bella but Teenage love.

This would include lots of first experienced moments as in extreme shyness, giggling uncontrollably, twining each other's hands, talking random speech, Telling all your friends that you think ' he's the one'.

Then saying you love him

He says it back.

The relationship is at its best.

You tell you him you love him again and he gets scared.

The relationship spirals out of control.

As he grows older, he wants more.

He asks you and you say you're not ready.

That then leads to impatience and leaving a boy waiting is not the best thing in the world. It's the most dangerous thing in the world.

So he looks for a girl that will see to his needs.

She gets the broken heart. She thinks that life cannot go on and Romeo and Juliet are no more.

First love always leads to heartbreak for most teenagers and even adults. But what your probably thinking is…

How do I know this?

I've never experienced Teenage Love!

I've never experienced anything so intimate before!

Hell! I've never had a proper boyfriend to care for me and make me feel special.

I don't know this. But isn't it common sense that every girl ignores. Not me.

That's why the words 'I love you' upsets me with great power. Because I want somebody to hold me close. I want to be the only thing on that persons mind.

I then want to touch that somebody's body and feel the tingling sensation of chemistry that makes my heart soar. Makes me that happy to be alive that I cry. He then holds me close again and says I'm worth it and should never let myself think otherwise.

It's every girls dream to find True Love.

But it's not as easy as you think. So……… What do we do now?

Yours Faithfully,

The inexperienced But Amazingly True.

**I hope you enjoyed that. I know I did. I was watching Pretty Woman last night and it made me cry. As usual. And I got this inspiration to write about love. I got my note book out and started thinking about it. **

**Please review and tell me what you think.**

**I'M ALSO STARTING AN AGONY AUNT ON THIS STORY SO IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT WITH ME, P/M ME AND I WILL ANSWER EVERYTHING.**


	2. Songs and Rosalies story

**Hi.**

**I decided; Fuck the weekly updates, this kind of shit just needs to be out in the open. Whenever I think of something I will update immediately and I know exactly what I'm going to be writing for the next few chapters so don't worry. By the way, it's one o'clock in the morning so if I'm talking shit, you need to tell me. X**

So, I wrote this song. Yes, criticize it all you want but it was something quick and I wrote it while I was singing it out loud. I wrote the song a few months ago actually but I got rid of the verses and just kept the chorus. Here you go x

_Verse 1_

_That day I saw you_

_I knew I was right._

_I've seen you some were from that night,_

_You took me dancing,_

_To have some fun._

_But when you go to know me,_

_You decided to run._

_Chorus_

_So bring your love,_

_Help me out._

_Say you're sorry,_

_And we'll figure this out._

_We can do this right,_

_Don't run away._

_We got soul in this song, and we aint afraid to play._

_Verse 2_

_I had a reputation,_

_From all the boys I knew._

_That of course scared you,_

_When you couldn't see the truth._

_But you looked…Different._

_I could tell._

_You smiled._

_But I let it all out._

_Verse 3_

_You looked at me,_

_In that same pained face._

_I tried to smile back,_

_But I knew it was too late._

_You walked away, without a second thought,_

_It pained me to see this, but so I thought……_

_Chorus_

_So bring your love,_

_Help me out._

_Say you're sorry,_

_And we'll figure this out._

_We can do this right,_

_Don't run away._

_We got soul in this song,_

_And we aint' afraid to play-y_

_Bridge_

_I blew it._

_Of course…_

_But I thought different._

_Because…_

_Last Chorus_

_So bring your love,_

_Help me out._

_Say you're sorry,_

_And we'll figure this out._

_We can do this right,_

_Don't run away._

_We got soul in this song,_

_And we aint' afraid to play._

So I hoped you liked that. The song is dedicated to Rosalie & Emmett. (Imagine Emmett as a total dick because Rosalie was a whore.)

The song has a lot to do with different kinds of relationships, of course otherwise I wouldn't be writing this column. But getting back to the point?

**Here's her story.**

I had been sitting at my dressing table for ten minutes debating weather of not I should be getting ready to go to the party with my gorgeous boyfriend or stay at home and have a fun sleepover with my best friend Alice. Yes I know, I shouldn't really have to choose. I would normally invite her over; we would pick and outfit, do our makeup then go to the party together. But she didn't want to go to the party. No, she couldn't stick parties anymore. She said they were childish and ridiculous. She didn't like the fact that everybody got drunk, took drugs then retired to the bedrooms with their men.

But of course, she was only saying that because she walked in on her boyfriend of two years fucking a skinny slut in her bedroom at a party. Yes it was in her room, at her party, HER 15TH BIRTHDAY!!

So I had to choose. Should I stay here and have fun with Alice? Or go to my boyfriend's birthday party?

My phone rang.

'Hey babe, are you coming to the party? I can't wait to see you in that beautiful dress that you kept telling me about last night." Josh's voice was purring at the end of the line. The emotion alone in his voice made me week at the knees but this time I became more puzzled and undecided.

'Josh, I err…. I don't know if I can make it baby.' I answered guiltily.

There was a pause when he answered;

'What? What do you mean you don't know if you can make it? I am your man and it's my sixteenth birthday' he then carried on a little more seductively ' Anyway babes, I thought you were going to give me an amazing birthday present to make me happy. And I can't have that if you're not here can I?'

Crap! That's probably another reason for not going. Granted, Josh is the cutest guy at Clifford shire High and he's the Basket Ball team captain and I love him to bits, but I really didn't want to give him his birthday present. If you know what I mean… And I'm pretty sure it's illegal until I'm sixteen which is at the start of next year.

'I guess I can… get out of…. Whatever it is that I need to do then for you?' I gave in gloomily.

'That's ma' girl. I'll pick you up at 8. Love you Rosy.'

'Love you to.'

And he hung up. SHIT!

I so hope Ally forgives me.

_Meanwhile…._

I had rung Alice up straight after to tell her I had to go to Josh's party and she said it was cool. I think she only said that though so she needn't have to remember the last time.

I pulled my dress out of my wardrobe and pulled it on. Josh was going to have a heart attack when he saw me. The dress was a red-dy, pink underneath with a black but see-through layer on top with halter neck straps and a v- neck to show my boobs off more. It had a black band round that boob area and lots of sparkly beads on the top half of the dress. Did I mention that it's full length?

Yes. I am the Basket Ball Captains girlfriend and I am captain cheerleader at Clifford Shire High School. Its Josh's party and I, of course am one of the most important people having to go. It's my duty to wear a full length dress, even though I can't stick them! It is bloody incredible though, if I say so myself.

Since the dress was a real standout piece I decided to put some natural make up on and pink heeled shoes with a black bow on the front so I didn't look too dressed up. I didn't want to look like a hooker for god's sake. Like some people have said. **(Picture of dress and shoes on profile)**

I had just finished curling my hair when there was a knock at the door.

I ran down the stairs nearly tripping over the dress in the progress and opened the door but not before putting a calm martyr expression on my face and smiling in a seductively way that said 'Hey I bet you can't wait fuck me tonight cause I'm so god damn hot!'.

The look on his face was priceless. I mean yeah, I'm a bloody gorgeous looking person with just a pair of sweats on and a baggy t-shirt but this was just too much for poor Josh to take. He grabbed hold of my stomach, picked me up bridal style and placed me tenderly in the front seat without saying a word. Got in the driver's seat and zoomed us out of town. I could see that he was hyperventilating but I didn't know why he was driving us out of town. I mean his house was only a couple of blocks away. I didn't say anything though because I knew what he was thinking about.

He stopped very abruptly and I looked around at our surroundings with a puzzled expression. We were In the middle of no-were from all I could tell. It was so dark at this point that I couldn't even tell where we were. I turned around to ask him why we were here but he just opened his door and walked out slamming it shut.

I thought that was an invitation to get out myself but he was round my side already and unbuckling my seat belt.

'Err… Josh? What are you doing?'

He didn't say anything and placed me on the back seats.

'You……..are _soo_ beautiful' was all he said and I blushed ten shades of red.

'That may be true but that doesn't explain why we are in the middle of no-were with us on the backseat instead of at your party?' I explained carefully.

He sighed while pulling the door shut and stroking up the side of my body.

'Rosy… Remember that time when I asked you for that special birthday present?'

I gulped remembering exactly what he had said. 'Yes.' I answered almost silently, frightened. He took it the wrong way though and lay be down by pushing my shoulders carefully.

'Well I told the guys at the party that I will be back in a few hours while I get that present.' He said matter-of-factly. HOURS!!! A COUPLE OF HOURS! JESUS HOW LONG DOES HE THINK IT'S GOING TO LAST.

He wouldn't let me talk anymore though. And I don't think I could have because while he was saying this he was unzipping the back of my dress. I took an intake of breath. I couldn't do anything, it was like somebody had paused my brain and just my body was left to suffer the consequences.

Suffering the consequences?

'God Rosy, if the boys could see this. You're so beautiful and you're all mine!' he ushered in my ear.

Wait a minute! What is he doing? I don't even want this!! He said "If the boys could see this"! He doesn't love me. He just loves my body like the rest of his mates. How could I not see this coming? AND HE KNOWS THAT I DON'T WANT THIS! I've told him enough times that I want to wait until real commitment.

I couldn't think anymore as he had attacked me with his lips. God, but he is a great kisser and unbelievably gorgeous. Why wouldn't I want this? He has beautiful sandy, soft hair and ocean blue eyes that I find myself lost in.

The kiss was deep, probably the roughest yet. You know, real French kissing and you know? I didn't really mind that because we always French kiss. And his taste and smell is mouth watering, I wanted him as much as he wanted me so that's why I let him carry on. He was my life and I love him?

This knocked sense back into me. Yes I love him, but he doesn't love me. I whimpered into his mouth and he stroked my cheek to say it was ok. But it wasn't. I don't want to tell him to stop. I want everything to be fine so we can live happily ever after. But all he wants is sex.

I didn't know I was crying until he pulled away.

'Rose? What's the matter baby?' he asked inches from my lips.

Goodbye Baby.

'Josh, I can't do this. You don't love me.' I answered while tender tears were falling down my face. I couldn't have a real cry until I get home.

He totally freaked.

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN!!!? OF COURSE I LOVE YOU ROSE, why would you say that?'

'I need to end this Josh. You see? I love you so much but you only want me for my body! All you go on about is how much you wish the 'boys' could see you. WELL SHOW THEM IF YOU WANT THAT SO MUCH. WHY DON'T YOU JUST PASS ME AROUND AND THEY CAN PAY A FIVER TO SEE MY TITS?'

I didn't mean to say all this but it kind of just slipped out. I thought he was going to look truly hurt by this suggestion but he was fuming. We had both shot up during my speech and I had managed to push him off me and stand outside.

'Why would I do that?' he said trying to keep his calm, which was even scarier than him screaming at me. I stayed quiet and just stared at him.

'ANSWER ME!!!!! ROSALIE DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT'S WHAT I'M LIKE!? Well no it's not, I love you and I want to be the one to take your innocence away! Not some low life that you'll meet when you're older.'

This would usually make me fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness. But he didn't look at me once while he was saying this. He was unbuttoning his shirt, of all things. This got me VERY MAD. HE THINKS THAT EVEN THOUGH WE ARE HAVING A FIGHT HE'S STILL UP FOR GETTING LAID BY ME? Well he can think again, I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

I walked up to him and cupped his chin to make him look at me. He looked at my calm and friendly expression that I had put on and smiled.

'I knew you would be like that Rose. Now how about we get back to whatever we were doing before ay'?'

……

'Rot…In…Hell.' Was all I said and I slapped him hard across the face while walking in the other direction.

**I hoped you liked that chapter. If you're confused then I'll clear it up for you. For the next few chapters (or maybe all of them) I will be finishing this story because I am much attuned to it now.**

**I will still be writing all of the magazine columns at the start of the chapters because I have loads to tell you.**

**I really enjoyed this so PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	3. UsGirlsNeedToStickTogether:Magazine2

**Continued From First Chapter…..**

**Us Girls Have To Stick Together**

**

* * *

  
**

Who's ever been in a real serious relationship? *Raises hand*

Who thinks they are fat and ugly? *Raises hand*

Who thinks they are freaks and can't make a guy ask them out? *Raises hand*

WELL YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!

Chances are, your not fat like me; and I'm a size fourteen.

Chances are, you're not ugly because I bet some days you get up and look in the mirror while thinking 'god I look good today'.

And chances are, YOUR NOT A FREAK!!

Unless of course, you have three heads and speak to the dead. If you can speak to the dead I am very sorry for saying you're a freak and call me because I think it's really cool.

You see…. Boys are the biggest, blindest and simplest things ever known to earth. TRUE FACT!

If you think you have to slap twenty layers of makeup onto your face and pretend to be something you're not, just to get a boy to like you. YOUR WRONG AND I ASK FOR YOU TO STOP!

Because really there is only one reason why the boys are going for these girls, it's because they think they are easy and take advantage of them, and when they get older they will realise this and move onto the girls with true beauty and a wonderful personality.

Here is a poem I found on fan fiction.

_Girls  
are like  
apples on trees.  
The best ones are  
at the top of the tree. The  
boys don't want to reach  
for the good ones because they  
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.  
Instead, they just get the rotten apples  
from the ground that aren't as good,  
but easy. So the apples at the top think  
something is wrong with them, when in  
reality, they're amazing. They just  
have to wait for the right boy to  
come along, the one who's  
brave enough to  
climb all  
the way  
to the top  
of the tree._

And here is another one that I made myself. BUT IT'S NOT A POEM JUST A FACT SHEET IF YOU GET MA' DRIFT.

_Boys are stupid._

_They are too blind to look for the girls with real beautiful features, so they end up going with girls that have the makeup like out of magazines._

_When they grow up, they realize that that's not what girls look like so they go searching for the real girls._

_The real girls wonder why these guys have suddenly run up to them demanding attention so they think it's a joke. These boys can't seem to get it through to these amazing girls so they run back to the fake ones without putting up a fight._

_Us girls need one of those boys to keep fighting so we know that they are serious and really do like us. They then live a happy life with us while the other boys with the fake girls have a boring and unhappy life going to work and earning money so the fake girls can buy a new lipstick._

_We needs a boy that is true to himself and keeps trying._

Don't you agree?

Yours faithfully, The real girl.

**Hey, hope you liked that.**

**I know it's been like, FOREVER since I updated but I have had this in my note book for the last month so I thought it was time to publish it. Please review because I need to know that what I am saying is getting through to you and not a load of shit.**

**Erin x**


	4. The End And Pure Torture

**WARNING!! RATED M**

**This chapter contains physical and sexual content with strong offensive words.**

Rosalie POV

I had been walking all of five minutes totally and completely lost. I should have demanded that Josh take me home and not act like a totally physco bitch but I wasn't too worried, yet. I mean there's a turning up the road? Isn't there? I'm sure I will recognise were I'm going soon.

It was absolutely pitch black outside. I checked my phone in my purse. Hmm… 9:30pm, looks like we had been driving for a while then. Did I mention it's the middle of winter also? Yeah, and I'm bloody freezing. I never got chance to bring my wrap-around with me because we rushed off so quickly. I had just got to the bend on the end of the deserted street when I remembered Alice.

She can come and pick me up!

Her contact number was right at the very top of the list and I pressed enter. She didn't pick up so I tried again. Because I was looking down at my phone, I was totally oblivious to the black van heading my way. I looked up at the last minute. It was stopping, right next to me. I stared at it in horror for a few moments then started walking the other way, trying to forget that whoever was in the car was probably watching me.

Finally Alice picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hi Alice," I didn't' know that my voice was shaking and cracked until I heard it for the first time since telling Josh to rot in hell.

"Rose? What the hell are you calling me for? I thought you were with lover boy?" She started babbling at me. I heard a door slam behind me and started walking faster up the street. "Alice stop, I need you to pick me up now!" I begged close to tears.

There were a few moments of silence when she answered me again. "Why Rose? What's going on?" Her tone was completely suspicious and concerned now. "All I can 'see' is that you're on your own." Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Alice is kinda' physic. I know that sounds insane but it's true. If there's an emergency or something is bovering her, these images flicker through her head 'showing' her what's happening. When she told me I thought she was totally mad, but everything she says is true. I didn't like the fact that she was right at this very second though.

"Alice, please," I was whispering now, my voice getting quieter with ever word I spoke. "Just get in your car, use your bloody 'powers' to find were I am and do not, I repeat, DO NOT HANG UP." That was properly the stupidest thing I could have said to her because she started sobbing and hyperventilating on the phone. Now she knows how I feel. "Ok Rose, I'll try." She was quiet for a few seconds when I heard the footsteps behind me picking up pace and I started half running. "ROSALIE RUN, HE'S GOT A KNIFE!!" Alice then screamed into the phone and I screamed back at her. Stupid thing to do, I know but she scared me the fucking death, not as much as her words did though.

Without a second thought I pulled my shoes off, dropped the phone and began sprinting further into the middle of no were. Shit. I didn't mean to drop the god damn phone!! I vaguely heard Alice screaming in the background. Then I heard over screaming. Panic was clear on my face as I prayed to God that I would make myself out of this alive. Death had never really crossed my mind before, not really something I had ever really thought of. Seeing that I was popular and pretty and everything I never really thought that I would die soon. I also didn't think that I had any enemies either, until now.

"Hey, were do you think _you're_ going sunshine?" a husky and slurred voice shouted from behind me. I jumped and was just about to scream when two rough hands pulled me back from around my waist. Then I screamed, whoa, then I screamed a lot.

"GET OFF OF ME YOU FUCKING TRAMP!!" I screeched clawing at his hands.

It all happened so quickly then. He spun me around to face him and I could just see in the glimmer of the moon that he had a dark face with coal black eyes black shaggy hair. People would say he's good looking, but only if you were in your mid forties. I swear, that's how old he was. I'm really good at reading people's age because when a pervert hits on me I usually have to come back with a sly remark like 'I wouldn't fuck you even if you were in your sixties, old man.' And 'Eww, you're so old, don't come near me with your nasty wrinkled hands, pervert.'

Yeah, the effect wasn't as good this time. When I tried to say something like that to this prick I got a slap round the face and a piece of clothe rammed into my mouth as a gag. Then he put some rope around my wrists to stop from clawing his eyes out. Ha. He picked me up and somehow I was in the back of his van in a millisecond. I soon found out how I had got there so fast; he had company. He threw me onto the floor and suddenly a light flashed from over my eyes. I was beyond fucking scared now. My teeth were chattering, even though you couldn't tell with the stupid dirty rag in my mouth, and my eyes were watering.

Correction. I was bawling my eyes out.

I can't believe this was happening. Who the fuck were these people? And what the hell did they want with me? I was trying to voice my thoughts by a muffling scream but was soon silenced when a knife was brought to my throat. I glanced at it fearfully then glared up at him with a fierce expression.

How dare this fucking idiot put a knife to me? ME! ROSALIE LILIAN HALE!! DOES HE HAVE ANY IDEA WHO HE THINKS HE IS DEALING WITH?

"So, baby cakes." Ugh. "I saw you walking down this forest road and thought you were lost. How convenient that we were driving by and saw you? Huh?" I heard a silly chuckle come from the front of the van. "Hah, good one boss!" Suddenly the van door slid open again and a bald man with scruffy clothing and a green bubble coat jumped in front of me. Crap! There's two of em'. What are they planning on doing to me? _Please don't kill me, please don't kill me. Alice will find me; she always knows how to find me. Remember? She's physic. She'll know how to find me. Right?_

"What's with the tears baby? Nothings gonna' happen." He laughed at his lie.

"Boss? I thought we picked her up to kill her?" My eyes became even wider and I started struggling with the rope. 'Boss' as the bald man said hit him over the head and sighed. "You idiot. Now you got her scared." No shit. Really? Like I wasn't fucking scared before. God, they were pissing me off!

"Don't worry sweet heart." He leant over me on the floor and started stroking my cheek. I flinched. "We won't kill you, don't worry. I think we're just going to have a little fun with you, is all." I looked at him questioningly and he pulled his knife out again while baldy laughed. "Yeah, fun." He grinned at me and snickered. I payed close attention to the knife this time and he put it to my neck again. Only, he didn't threaten me with it this time. He just pierced my skin with the tip of the blade and pushed in slowly. The scream that left my covered mouth was agonized. He then pulled it out again and pierced me again with it about three centimetres next to the first puncture. The pain was even worse this time and I started deep breathing through my nose to stop myself from passing out.

Both the men laughed at my pain and high fived each other. "There, if anybody asks? You were bitten by vampires." They started chortling again and both pulled their coats off while I was sitting there rocking back and forth. When I looked down I could see pools of blood collecting on the floor and my dress was a black wet colour while the pink had turned a deep red. My eyes started criss-crossing and I thought I was going to be sick._ Please Alice. Find me soon._

I suddenly noticed that I was freezing and a violent shiver coursed through my body. The 'boss 'realized this and started stroking my arms. "You cold darling? Want us to warm you up a bit?" I didn't exactly understand what he was getting at so stayed quiet. He narrowed his eyes then they burnt with envy and want. My eyes were questioning and scared while still brimming with tears from the pain in my neck and all I wanted was to go home.

That's when it happened.

He slit the side of my dress open with his knife and ripped it off of my body leaving me in my frilly, deep purple lingerie that I had saved for Josh. I gasped in shock and tried to cover my body by scrunching up in a ball but he just laughed and sliced the side of my leg open to untangle myself. Suddenly everything made sense. They were going to rape me. I can't believe that it hadn't hit me before. I mean, I had always been thought of as beautiful and looked up to by girls but I just couldn't believe that someone would go that low just get to my body. Suddenly, my beauty wasn't such a good thing anymore.

Baldy ran over to me and held my legs down as I was thrashing around trying t get free. I know it was a wasted effort, but I wasn't just going to lie there and let them have their way with me. I couldn't, I wouldn't. I abruptly froze like I had been electrocuted and they both looked down at me with shocked expressions. "Well if I thought you were going to be that easy to get to I would have gotten straight to it." The 'boss' murmured. Baldy loosened his grip on me slightly and I took that as an invitation to do my magic. I pushed my right leg up with astonishing power and hit him directly in the face, hearing a crush I knew that I had broken his nose. Three things happened at once.

Baldy jumped backwards cursing and clutching his nose. I smiled grimly. And scruff (aka. 'Boss') pounced at me and dug his knife into my collar bone causing an echoing scream to come from me and I lay as still as possible again just to stop the pain. Scruff spit at me then sliced the middle of my bra open to reveal my breasts. He bent down and whispered in my ear while grabbing both of me in his hands, squeezing. "Did I mention that you are absolutely beautiful?" I hissed at him, the gag making it sound like a gurgled moan. Not the reaction I was hoping for.

Meanwhile, baldy had pulled out another knife from his back pocket and stroked the side of it down my legs causing me to shiver from the coldness of it. He lifted the bottom of my body up and started pulling my pants down. The panic was intense in my eyes including pain from my wounds and all I wanted to do was die. _Please, do whatever you want to me. Stab me a hundred times, make me do anything. Just don't rape me. Please. I'm not ready. _I kept chanting the same thing over and over in my head while sobbing uncontrollably.

They started taking their clothes off and suddenly one of them entered me. Not slowly, not gradually. Oh no, he entered me so roughly that I could actually hear myself ripping apart. There was blood every were. All over the floor and my dress; coming out of my neck, collar bone, leg and vagina. I didn't scream. I couldn't scream. I was in that much pain that I couldn't even feel it anymore. It was the most torturous, daunting, frightening thing that had ever happened to me, and I was just letting them have their way with me. After what felt like hours he stopped and I was flipped over onto my back. FUCKING HELL THAT WAS PAINFULL! I screamed again and tried grabbing onto the bottom of the van to restrain myself but I realised that I was face to face with Scruff, who was still inside me.

Then I felt it. I was being entered from behind me, and the pain was so excruciating that a blacked out.

XXXX

**What did you think? I know it was properly painful to read. But how do you think I felt? I HAD TO WRITE IT! But it had to be done ;(**

**I'm so scared of what you think. I mean, it's never happened to me so I had no idea how to describe it, and I have never really looked into rape because it was too painful to research on.**

**I AM SO SORRY. Anyway's I really need to know what you thought of this so please review because I'm nearly dying with anxiety.**

**WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT 'THE HOST' BECOMING A FILM?**

**Review, Review, Review!! Because I am really, really ill and I'm going to hospital tomorrow to get looked at. Yeah, that's how bad I am. And I still had time to write this chapter for you.**

**Love you SO MUCH**

**Erin x**


	5. Dreaming

_**Prologue to next chapter……**_

I was dreaming. A dream were nothing bad ever happens, in a happy world. There was no danger. There was no pain. Only happiness.

_Break my bones and reset me  
Piece by piece you break me  
Pick up the cross 'cause it's killing time  
How can I scream when the pain is  
Such a release I get the courage  
To pick up the nails 'cause it's killing time_

Pain is the only thing I will ever feel. My happiness was taken away, but I keep dreaming on.

_Kill me, heal me  
Kill me, heal me  
On and on  
Kill me, heal me  
Kill me, heal me  
On and on_

Wishing for death.

My dream was amazing. I forgot about everything that had happened to me and I was sleeping next to a man. He was spooning me and the warmth was comforting. I rolled over and came face to face with the most gorgeous creature ever known to man. He had beautiful hazel eyes with brown curly hair and had a big strong structure with muscles covering every part of his body. He smiled at me and I grinned back, totally oblivious to the world. He was my safe harbour and I felt perfectly content.

"Hey baby. You ok?" he murmured while leaning in and nuzzling my neck. I found that my hands had begun travelling up his naked chest, stroking his happy line. He groaned and pulled back. "Rosey… You do know that I will never hurt you, don't you. I won't let anything happen to you again. I love you."

My breathing caught and he started kissing me. He tasted incredible. He loved me, for who I am. Not like Josh. This was true love and even though this was just a dream, I loved him too. With all my heart.

Suddenly, the kiss became rougher and he started to taste different. I didn't pull back though, thinking it was because he wanted more of me. I would gladly let him.

Then I heard a snicker and I ripped my lips away and snapped my head to the left.

In the doorway was no body other than 'baldy'. Terror and pain soured through my body and I started screaming. "Why are you here? I thought I was free. This shouldn't be happening." I swung my head back to look at my baby but instead of finding him someone else was sitting in the bed next to me. And it scared me more than anything in my whole life. I suddenly realised why the kiss had tasted funny. It wasn't my baby I had been kissing, oh no, it had been something much more frightening.

'Scruff' was sitting there grinning while clasping my wrist, with blood pouring from his mouth. My blood. I screamed again and tried to free my hand.

This wasn't a dream anymore. This was a nightmare. The worst of kinds.

"NO GET OUT!!"

"HA! I don't think that's going to happen, sweet heart. You're mine. Forever."

"No… No. You can't do this. I…I can't let you do this again." I started sobbing, knowing what was going to happen next. He ripped my clothes off and baldy ran over to us while holding me down.

The last thought I had was that I knew I was loved. And he was sorry.

I vowed down to myself that I would find him again, and he will be mine.

**Sorry if the last bit was a little confusing. She was talking about finding the perfect guy that loved her.**

**Hope you liked this little short chapter. I thought you all deserved one as I am going to be in the Isle of Wight for four days. So no updates ;(**

**Song at the start was called "Kill me, Heal me" from Skillet**

**REVIEW LIKE FUCKING CRAZY!**

**Erin x**


	6. A Night Of Stupidity:Magazine3

**Magazine – A Night Of Stupidity.**

The world is a scary place, full of anguish, absurdity and silliness. Particularly at night.

It's the thing to do isn't it?

You go clubbing with ya' besties, get wasted and shack up with some guy with fit abs and a six pack. Typical.

The next morning the only thing you remember is that he was an amazing kisser and it was the best sex you have ever experienced, which was a lot of times due to your wild night.

But I bet in the back of your head you were thinking 'fuck'. Then you try to remember is he used protection. You start worrying but say that you will find out soon enough in six weeks time. When you tell your mates this they think you're mad and that you should probably keep a low profile for a few weeks for your own safety, but you say otherwise.

The following weekend you go clubbing again without your friends consent and have a good time on your own. When you walk in you recognise nearly everyone and go join a group to dance with. You meet a new chap that looks tasty and _he_ asks _you_ if you want to shack up. You couldn't be happier and practically rip the hinges off the bathroom door.

Sounds like fun doesn't it? But what if your perfect night took a drastic change?

You're totally out of your head and decide to leave him with his unconscious head down the toilet. _What a douche_. You're thinking to yourself. That definitely wasn't as good as last week!

You realize half way down the street that someone has nicked your money and your phone and you curse out loud. Nobody has got any idea of where you are because you were stupid and went behind your mates back. _Now, how do I get home?_

Its pitch black outside now and all you want to do is get home as soon as possible so you can sleep your wasted butt off. Suddenly a thought hits you and you can remember a short cut to walk home. It's not a very secure place. On a scruffy council estate with mad cats that bite your ankles.

I bet you're telling me to stop writing now and tell you everything is going to be fine. Well tough.

You can feel eyes watching your every step and momentarily become sober again. _Who's watching me?_ Your thinking and start to walk faster promising yourself not to look behind you and everything will be alright.

After a few more seconds your walls break down and you look over your shoulder. There's definitely someone there; with black biker boots and a leather jacket. _SHIT! Don't worry. He's not following me; he's just…..Walking. At four o'clock in the morning. AHH! SHUT IT!!_

Suddenly you hear a twig snapping about twenty feet behind you. You start hyperventilating and forget your earlier thoughts. _He's too close._ So you listen to your natural instincts.

_RUN!!_

You leg it as fast as you can in your drunken state, but it's too late. He grabs your arm and has his way with you.

Now tell me. How disturbed were you reading that? That's three chapters in a row full of rape. It's not nice is it?

But trust me, it happens every single day and nobody even thinks about it. Somebody is physically and mentally hurt out there while trying to find a way to end their life's because they think that they can't go on with people knowing what has happened to you.

It's horrible and I would be exactly the same is the same thing happened to me.

Jinx, touch wood.

I do know that people at my school have pretended to have been raped just to get attention and you honestly feel sick to the bones knowing that that person has probably told there parent s and they are grieving over her. You should never wish such…. Such…

There isn't even a word to describe how nasty that is.

So why do we do it? Get wasted, I mean?

Because all you want to do is have a drink with mates and let loose. But sometimes you have to be careful with how far you take it.

Take this is mind the next time you go clubbing. There are so many bad people out there just waiting for your arrival, and I hope with all my soul that nobody have to go through this. I wouldn't even wish it on my worst enemy.

All my love

The Careful One. x


	7. The Inner Bitch

**Rosalie**

The first thing I heard was screams. The scream was so agonized that it brought be from my nightmare and into the real world. Not that that was any better.

I slowly opened my eyes, feeling reluctant to do so. God, I felt like shit. _Must have had too much to drink_ I thought to myself certainly. Because that's what had happened; I had gone to the party with Josh, politely declined shacking up, got wasted and partied all night long.

So why was Alice squeezing me so tightly while sobbing onto my body?

Why was I lying outside in the pitch black and freezing cold?

And why did every single part of my body ache and sting like I had been stabbed a thousand times over?

And then I remembered.

Before I could dwell too much on my real life nightmare, sirens were closing in on where I lay and before you knew it I had been lifted (Christ that hurt!) onto a stretcher and driven to the hospital. I was still drowsy, probably from the loss of blood and shaking so violently that I thought I was going into a fit.

If I can remember clearly, the guys…

I flinched.

The _monsters _had stabbed my in several places before raping me. And then I sobbed. I cried because I knew that somebody else had taken my childhood. I cried because I was hurting so badly. I cried because I wanted to die. And I cried because I didn't want to live around remorseful faces for the rest of my life. People will look at me and think 'Aww that was the girl that got raped and nearly stabbed to death by those men at Josh's party. Poor thing'. I don't think I could live with that.

Alice, I had noticed was still there clutching my hand with all her strength. I also saw that her father, Dr Carlisle Cullen was in the van checking my body while trying to bandage them up. While I was just lying there….sobbing and trying not to lose consciousness again.

The next few hours were a blur. I didn't see and I didn't hear, for fear that I would break down again. All I could do was lie there playing back the scene in my head like a horror movie while preying that it was all just a dream. A bad, bad dream.

But that that was silly. No matter how hard I tried, things could never be the same again.

* * *

"Rose" Alice whispered next to me.

I didn't respond.

"Rose" she said a little louder.

I still didn't respond.

I had been sitting in my hospital bed for three days, healing. Physically that is.

My mom and dad had come to see me with my little brother and sister, and cried. My best friends has come to see me, and cried.

And guess who else? Josh, as I have just recently been told.

"Rose please!" Alice screamed at me with tears rolling rapidly down her cheeks. "Rosie, listen. I know you have gone through an impossibly rough time, and you can ignore me all you like but you have got to tell us what happened so we can do something about it! Someone really special is here to see you. To help you Rose."

I blinked, totally unmoved by her speech.

Alice sighed then left the room.

Nobody has been able to get a response out of me since I came from operation and I knew everybody was confused and stressed, only, I couldn't help it.

I felt no reason for talking because I knew that once I did, I would have to spill out all the details to what happened.

I wasn't ready yet.

A few minutes later Alice whipped her head round the door. "Are you ready?" she called and I blinked again. She should know by now that I wasn't going to answer. But she never stopped trying.

She sighed again and dragged a very disturbingly familiar presence into the room. I stopped breathing and my body tensed. What the fuck was he doing her!?!?

"Get…Out." I growled at him with as much ferocity that I could manage. They both stared at me with shocked expressions, unmoved.

"Rosie baby, please!" Josh pleaded with me with guilt written over his features.

"GET OUT!!!" I screamed at him and lunged.

It was pretty funny actually. One second I was lying on the bed with wires covering every inch of my body and the next I was clawing at my ex-boyfriend.

He fell backwards onto the floor and started screaming like a girl while Alice was on top of me trying to break free of the deathly grip I had around his throat.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU'RE THE WHOLE FUCKING REASON I'M IN HERE AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COME IN HERE AND SEE ME!? WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?" I slapped him round the face and kneed him in the balls.

He started sobbing with me. Pussy!

I was aware that the police and doctors had stormed into the room and were trying to get me off of him. Fat lot of chance of that happening! It was like all of the anger and sadness that had been building up inside of me had suddenly exploded and my usually numb bones had come alive with a strength that belonged only to a professional weight lifter. I was unbreakable and I wanted to break him.

If he hadn't have taken me out there in the first fucking place, thinking he was going to get laid when I told him countless time I wasn't ready, this would never have even happened to me.

This regret, this pain, is going to live with me forever.

Through my rage I was conscious of the fact that Dr Cullen had burst into the room with a needle. Shit!

Before I knew it, he had stuck it in my arm and I was being lifted onto the hospital bed.

My eyes started getting heavy all of a sudden and the last thing I saw was Josh being dragged out of the room unconscious and Alice staring at me while sobbing uncontrollably with a horror stuck expression.

I smirked.

The bitch is outta' the bag at long last.


	8. How could you?

**Hi, I would just like to say that, before you go on any more, this story is very dark with lots of hurt and insecurities. If you do not like things this deep then I advise you to stop reading now, as this story is not going to get any better any time soon.**

**Thank you. **

**Rosalie**

**3 years later**

I picked my head up from the table and groaned.

"Another Vodka and coke please, June."

"Coming straight up sweet. Don't you think you should take it a little bit easy? You've already had four tonight?" She asked me in a soothing and concerned voice. I couldn't tell her the truth.

"I...erm…I'm only going to have one more then go. It's been a long day." She nodded her head in understanding. She wouldn't be able to handle the truth. Her mind is too fragile.

I finished my drink in record time and slipped my revealing cardigan back on. "You going now?" June asked. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow." And I left. That's as far as I go with conversation these days.

Alice stuck by my side, but with a lot of effort. I haven't let her in for years and she still doesn't know what I work as. You see, I bring in a lot of money these days and help pay the rent to our apartment. I moved out when I was sixteen and me and Alice got a place together with her parent's money. I couldn't stand it any longer. My folks looked at me with such sorrow and regret in their faces while my siblings cried. My mates from school wouldn't look at me the same and called me sluts, saying that I asked them to do it and well, Alice was the only one who actually treated me the same.

I didn't speak much for the first two years but Ally just brushed it the same and acted same old, same old. I could always depend on her. I always have.

But that was then. Today I have a new way of dealing with myself, and if I'm honest, it feels great.

I strolled down the road to the usual ally way and changed my clothing behind a bin. I needed extra money tonight so I decided to wear something a little more revealing. Just a crop top with a mini, leather skirt? Yeah that would fit the money description.

So here's the thing. I'm a prostitute. A lady of the night.

**Alice POV.**

I was currently sitting at the kitchen table with two plates of food in front of me. I don't know why I bovver the make the second plate but I guess it's just hope.

Rosalie isn't here again. For a while I had no idea where she was going at night, and getting the money as she doesn't even work in the day. I get up in the morning and when I get back from the photo shoots, she's still in bed.

After a week I decided to check up on her, and I was not happy with what I saw. For half the night, till about half nine, she was in the pub getting wasted and for the other half she was walking down the road stripping a piece of clothing with every stop. I couldn't understand it. Then she walked down an ally way and she was changing into some kind of leather hot pants and bra. I was in the shadows and absolutely horrified. What was she thinking? She could get raped again!

That's what was going through my mind at the time. I couldn't get my head around the fact. Instead, I saw something much more sickening. A chap walked down from the opposite side and licked his lips. I thought I was going to puke. I looked away for about five minutes, heaving. When I looked back she was giving head to some dude she had never met before. I cried hysterically that night. She didn't come back until dawn and I couldn't look at her. She asked me what was wrong but I just said P.M.S.

What has happened to my poor, poor Rose?

She would never do something like this. After the horrible thing that happened to her she wouldn't speak for ages. Then she snapped and Josh and she wouldn't stop crying. For weeks and weeks she sobbed and there was nothing I could do about it. She is my best friend and I was helpless to her. She needed me and I ran away too sad myself to speak to her. I did try though and she seems better. Until I saw it, that night. She's not better. She's worse.

She needs help.

I checked the clock on the wall and sudden inspiration came to me. It would still be open, wouldn't it? I ran into the hallway and got the phone book from under the stairs.

I rang the number on the page.

"_Hello, this is Gianna from Seattle's mental health clinic. How can I help you?"_

"Erm yes. My name is Alice and I have a friend who needs a psychologists help."

**Yes I know, this is a very short chapter and I'm sorry. Should I carry on with the magazine articles?**

**Playlist next chapter?**

**It's all up to you.**

**Review please x**

**P.s NEW MOON TONIGHT. It's quarter to eight in the morning and I got up at five am because I couldn't sleep. I'm way to excited but my eyes are stinging soooo bad.**

**Erin x**


	9. Why Rosey?

_**Song – Not meant for me – Wayne Static**_

**Hey… sorry it took so long to update, especially on a cliff hanger as well. Here is your next chapter for Christmas.**

**Rosalie**

"Hey Rose. Let's go out for a bit?"

I groaned. "Why?"

"Because it's good for you and you're always at work. I worry about you sometimes; you need a life Rosalie…"

Here it comes… another one of her moans. God, I swear I can't do anything right! I do everything I can to be happy around her. What else does she want from me? I pay the rent, I go shopping with her, I paint her nails when she's sad and I'm always there for a shoulder to cry on. Even though I haven't much advice for her. She can be so selfish sometimes.

"Alice, stop. I don't want to go out. I want to sleep." Might as well lay it straight.

She crawled onto the sofa next to me and sat on my lap. "Pweeeeesssss" she pouted at me. Oh god, she's giving me the puppy eyes. Ooooohhh she's good.

"Fine." I gave in and she did a little happy dance. "I'll go get my bag." She jumped off my lap and starting to run into her bedroom. Before she got all the way to her door she paused and spun around. "Do something with your hair. You look rough." And she pranced away again. I growled.

"Alice, where exactly are we going?" I asked her with a monotone expression. We were now in her yellow 911 Turbo Porsche. That seems to be the only tone I actually speak in anymore, and I never give more than a grimace in my expression. Couldn't for the life of my think of why?

She didn't answer straight away.

"Alice?" Still no answer.

I huffed.

We didn't speak for a couple of minutes and I turned the radio on. Erin Mccarley's 'I Gotta Figure This Out' came on and I turned it off. Way too emotional for my lifestyle. Suddenly the car slowed down and I found myself in on the side of the highway. When I looked back at Alice, her whole attention was set on me.

She was just…..staring at me….

"Err… why have we stopped?"

"I need to talk to you Rosalie."

Puzzled I answered "Ok?"

She sighed and slumped back into her seat. "We need to talk."

I nodded to let her know I was listening. I didn't like where this was heading. Already my belly was doing funny flips and I began to feel nauseated.

Alice sat up again and caught my hands in hers. "Why Rose?" she whispered to me with hurt evident in her tone. There were tears in her eyes?

What had I done?? She is prone to over-exaggerate over things. Maybe I had ruined her lipstick or something?

"Why do you do what you do?"

"Alice, what are you talking about?"

There was pause and then she said something that I never thought I would hear from my best friend in my life.

"You're a prostitute." She stated.

My whole posture stiffened and I ripped my hand out of hers. She sniffed and wiped away her traitor tears. I wouldn't look at her.

"Don't try to deny it. I saw you." She swallowed back bile. "I saw you…with him… and you gave him…-"

"Stop."

She started to sob. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to say. How could I tell the person I love that I fuck men and pleasure them for a living? You just can't. But I couldn't let her finish that sentence. I'm not proud of what I do.

"ROSALIE ANSWER ME!" She screamed at me and I flinched.

"What do you want me to say?" I questioned only a whisper.

"TELL ME THAT IT'S NOT TRUE. TELL ME ANYTHING PLEASE!!!"

I didn't tell her. I can't lie to her. She saw it.

"Rosey" Her voice cracked and squeaked and my heart broke.

"I'm sorry." I put so much emotion into that apology that Alice gasped. I hadn't spoken like that in years. Suddenly I snapped.

"I'm sorry Alice. I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to you. I'm sorry for being a bitch and a horrible, horrible friend. Urgh! I am such a fucking horrible person. I was so busy trying to cope with myself that I never thought about you and you're feelings. You've been left in the dark for three whole years! You've been so alone and it's my entire fault. I don't even know if you have a boyfriend or another best friend that you go to when I don't speak to you and let you down every time."

"Rose!"

But I wasn't finished yet.

"Ever since the….I got raped-"I flinched. "I've been a stupid slut because I didn't care about anything! And Alice…I'm sorry for that."

There was silence all around us. It was suffocating.

"Rosalie."

"Yeah."

"You need help."

That was when the sense was knocked back into me and I jumped out of the car.

"ROSALIE GET BACK HERE!"

"NO ALICE YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" I screamed at her and started walking off in the other direction.

"YES I CAN!"

"You can't make me go and see a shrink! I won't let you! There is NOTHING wrong with me." That was a lie.

"YOU JUST TOLD ME THERE WAS!"

Nice that she caught on.

And then she was in front of me and I was on the floor. She straddled my lap and grabbed my hands into her little one.

"Alice. Get. Off. Me." I growled at her but she didn't budge.

"You are going to get some help because I have already called the psychologist up and you have an appointment in…" She looked at her watch with her other hand "ten minutes."

I officially hate this girl. Might as well let her know it.

"I hate you Alice."

"You will thank me in a long shot when you get better and you have a real job with real money and a boyfriend because you aren't moping around." Wow, that really hit me hard. Boys were _always_ looking at me, of course, but all I did was fucking them and earn a bit. If they asked to see me again I told them to get stuffed because it would just be weird. It's bad for business and I don't like getting attached.

I finally gave in, just to shut her up. "Fine but before you get excited, I'm not going to say anything to her." She gave me this sheepish look.

"What is it?"

"Well, it's just that….it's kind of going to be a man."

"WHAT!!"

**Hey I was going to make this longer but I thought it would be good to stop here. Can I just say that, if you don't like my plot can you please tell me because I'm scared.**

**On another account…. It was my birthday on Wednesday! And I saw Paramore last night. She was amazing, I screamed the whole time and she played 'I Caught Myself' and 'Decode'. Best night ever… I screamed that much that I have a bad throat now and can't swallow properly. It was still worth it.**

**I thought New Moon was amazing but I'm not going to see it again until it comes out on DVD because I when Twilight came out I watched it like, nine times. Now I can't watch it at all.**

**I am not going to be doing anymore Magazine's by the way x**

**Whose POV do you want next?**

**What did you think?**

**When shall I do the playlist?**

**Erin x**


	10. Broken Hearts:Magazine4

**Hi everyone. I decided to put another chapter us for Christmas. I have noticed that not everyone reads my magazine columns but I would really love it if you read this one because it's my favourite out of all of them. It would be my Christmas present to me. Thank you.**

**Avril Lavigne – Fall To Pieces.**

**Magazine – Broken Hearts.**

Sometimes is just don't feel good enough, you know?

Sometimes I feel like I will never be able to find happiness; and better off… love.

Whether it be my looks, personality, likes or dislikes. I will always be rejected somehow and I will feel like 'Why do I even bother?'

You go to a party and you just know that it's going to be a good night. You don't know what's going to happen but you just know. So you put your nicest party clothes on, style your hair and put just enough make-up on to make you look beautiful. You have lost a bit of weight recently so you look slim in you're pretty halter neck dress and all of your spots have cleared up for the occasion. You feel like a million dollars. Tonight is going to be great!

Once you get there, everybody is already dancing in the back yard. You down some alcohol and make your way over to the small bonfire. You are feeling a little buzzed now so you don't really notice anyone around you. The fire has totally enraptured your attention and you can look into its soul. The fire shows you what you want but can't have and after a while you can't take it anymore so you look away.

There he is. And damn is he looking good! But who is he?

He is looking into the fire as well with a lost expression on his beautiful face and you realise that he must have been there the whole times and you just didn't see him.

Blonde hair and blue-y green eyes with a hidden desire hidden in them. He intrigues me but looks like a man of few words.

Suddenly he turns and stares at me with a penetrating gaze and I realise that I must have been staring a while.

"Hi" he speaks and I just about faint. His voice sent shivers down my spine and he noticed.

"Err…hi." I answer with a small smile and he takes and intake of breath.

We both look back at the fire awkwardly.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? I murmur to him and he smiles and looks back at me, his gaze burning into me.

"Very" I have a feeling that he isn't just talking about the fire and I start to burn up.

As I said; a man of very few words, but I need to know more.

"Why are you here?"

He grins. "Why are you?"

I grin back at him/

"My mates made me come but they've buggered off." I said nervously; Might as well let my real self come through. "You?" I nodded towards him after he stopped chuckling.

"Same as you. Don't know why they even bother making me come."

I smiled again and his eyes brightened ever more.

***

_Dear Diary,_

_Tonight was amazing. I met this awesome lad and got his number. We chatted for hours and front of the fire and we couldn't be bothered to look for our friends so he walked me home. It was all very romantic. He is gorgeous and I got lost in his beautiful eyes. I think I'm in love._

_Write again later_

_X_

_***_

You begin dating and after a while he doesn't seem very interested anymore, so you confront him.

"Hey" I pull his chin close to my face "What's wrong with you lately? I ask with concern and worry etched into my face.

"Nothing. Don't worry." He looked so guilty?

I go in for a kiss to make him feel better but he ducks and pulls out of my grasp. Hurt was shown on my features.

"Listen, I don't think this is going to work anymore." I was frozen into shock.

"What do you mean?" I whispered. This can't be happening.

"I don't know, I just can't do this anymore. I'm sorry." And he left without another word.

_***_

_Dear Diary,_

_Today has been the worst day of my life so far. He left me without a real explanation and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest._

_I can't write anymore because I'm crying too much._

_You want to know the best thing though? _

_I was going to tell him that I loved him._

_I love him._

_***_

Sometimes I just don't feel good enough, you know?

Sometimes I feel like I will never find true happiness; because he left. Yeah, the one that I love.

Yours truly

The one with the broken heart.

**Oh my god, please tell me what you think. I know this is different to my usual magazines so please tell me what you think. I'm sweating buckets.**


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